


Is There An Us?

by LovesGrimReaper



Category: Marvel, Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Declarations Of Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Loki Feels, Love Confessions, M/M, Tony Feels, Trust Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovesGrimReaper/pseuds/LovesGrimReaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><>**Re-Worked**<></p><p>Tony is going through a tough break up. Bruce and Steve aren't worried, they don't care. The team thinks it will pass with time. And Loki, well Loki doesn't like it one bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are You Sure?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking some time to re-work some of my work, this being the first on the list. My hope is to work it in a way that will tempt my muse to cough up an update. So keep your fingers crossed.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and the feels.

When the first three days without Stark making an appearance passed by, all the Avengers, including a “Friendlier” Loki, all figured that Pepper was keeping him busy in order to keep his mind off of his break up with Bruce and Steve. It hadn't ended well at all. 

Tony is left to stand on his own, while the other two find solace in each other's arms. 

However, after a week and a concerned visit from Pepper who questioned Bruce and Steve about the breakup. Because according to her, Tony had his private sector of the tower on complete lock down. They all figured he was just going through the natural stages of grieving.

The entire team felt bad, especially Bruce and Steve to a degree. Still, given time, they assumed Tony would bounce back to his normal self-centered self. 

Well, everyone except Loki that is.

If directly questioned, Loki would easily deny liking Stark. No way in Hel's hell would he refer to the man as a close friend. Of course, like everything else to leave the god of mischief’s mouth, it too would be a lie.

Ever since the whole “You were made to be ruled” incident and Loki’s “Father” declaring that Loki was to remain on Earth, powerless like Thor had, he and Tony had developed a sort of truce. A truce that over the past 4 years had blossomed into a loyal friendship. One in which Tony had trusted Loki with some of his deepest secrets as well as some emotional confessions that even Bruce and Steve weren’t privileged to. 

A fact that pleased Loki to no end.

It is because of this, however, that Loki begins to worry when the middle of the second week starts strolling along without a sign from Tony. 

At first, Loki tried to convince either Bruce or Steve to call Tony in hopes that he might answer one of their calls. As the man in question appeared to ignore/block them.

“Sorry, Loki," States Bruce. "But he seems to be ignoring everyone's calls..” He was sat at the kitchen table where he was sipping his tea, not once looking up from the newspaper in his hands.

“Well, how about taking a trip over to the tower and sweet talking Jarvis into letting you in?” Loki tries to push, as he watched Steve flip a pancake in the air.

“Honestly, Loki, I don’t see why you should be so concerned. Tony is Tony. He’s probably drunk himself into the ground or has built a new Iron-Man suit.” Steve says nonchalantly.

Their lack of concern nearly grinding on his last nerve. 

“And you claim to have once loved this man?” Loki snaps, disgust dripping from the tone in his voice, sending an unpleasant chill down both mortals.

“You can’t really love someone was never around.” Shot back Bruce in defense of Steve, who was still sensitive about how the breakup had played out.

“Neither of you ever deserved him.” Was the last thing Loki said before he walked out of the kitchen, continuing off the base. 

They were all so blind. How, how could they not see that something was obviously wrong with Tony. That his current behavior was outside of his norm.

Then it made him wonder how he could see. How much of him relied on this mans well being? Why did he care enough to fight for him?

It was obvious, he wouldn't say it, yet.

First, he needed to know that Tony was alright. The only way to do that was by finding a way inside of Tony’s private levels in the tower.

On any given day it would have been all too easy for Loki to teleport into said levels, his born given magic something that Odin appeared to have over looked. But as it was, Tony had put up the only forcefield that could, and did, keep Loki out. A project Tony had once said he would never actually use on him. 

How deep had Tony fallen to consider anything he could do more insane than anything, He, Loki, could find destructive to one's well being? 

For an entire week, Loki made daily visits to Stark tower in hopes of gaining access. And for an entire week, he was met with defeat. 

“This is childish, Tony, even for you!” Loki would yell at the door each night, where it would be met by silence for the next ten minutes.

He would try again. A different approach.

“I’m growing bored at the base without you to pull your epic rantings of madness on any random fact you find of interest." He grins at a few past memories. 

"Not to mention the lack of sightings of that one particular famous perfect ass we all love to hate." He's teasing now. "People are so gloomy without it to brighten their day.”

Nothing.

Somedays Loki would sit outside the doors and yell at Tony for being a coward. Other nights he would out right...beg. And some nights….some nights he would whisper his secrets to Tony. 

He couldn’t tell you how he knew, but he just knew that Tony was in there, doing what ever it was he was doing, listening.

So, on one such night, while Loki sat with his back pressed against Tony’s doors looking very much like a wet dog, he told Tony his biggest secret yet. One that had been haunting him for years now.

“Anthony," Loki speaks gently, his head tilted back against the door as he stares at the ceiling. At Jarvis.

"Do you remember what we talked about that first night we trusted each other enough to get drunk together?" He fought back at chuckle, in hope of hearing a response.

Nothing. 

"I mean, I know we got completely ….what is it that you called it….wasted?" Loki continues, a nervous smirk on his lips.

"I know you remember." He challenges with a laugh, though now he was nervously picking at his nails. How un-kingly of him. 

"That..." He clears his throat."That was the night we both admitted how appalling our childhoods had been."

"You admitted that you spent your childhood trying to impress your father, while I spent mine trying to crawl out from under the shadow of Thor."

He pauses. Because he really hates having spoken those words out loud. Again.

"I um…. I also showed you my true form that night.” Loki pauses once more. The usual jumbled wave of negative emotions that arose, in regards to his true form, hitting a barrier of Loki's will to get through this. So he focuses on the memory of Tony's reaction.

He smiles just slightly.

“I had never before so freely shown my true form, to be honest. I don't even know why I did it." He laughs.

"Maybe I did it to scare you or to give you something to hurt me with. Because at the time I still didn't trust any of you. But…when I looked at you." He bites his lips before taking a deep breath.

"When I saw how you looked at me." He proceeds. "Well, I was honestly confused, there was no fear in your eyes!"

"No disgust," Loki spoke as the thought of just speaking the word left a sour taste in his mouth. 

"Just…wonder." He resumes. "And then you leaned closer and attempted to touch me. So entranced by the way you looked upon me that I forgot to warn you about the dangers of my skin."

Something he regretted till this very day.

"It was your hiss of pain, your quick withdraw that brought me back. It took less than a second and I was back to hating myself. Changing back to my human form. Until you shouted at me to stop.”

“I stared at you then with suspecting eyes and you just grinned and said 'What?! I like the view'.” His attempt at mimicking Tony's voice is almost too much for him, however. 

He laughs freely, a soft shake of Loki’s head as he replayed the scene in his mind.

“You changed me that night." He admits.

"Changed the very way I saw myself. Gave me hope in the strangest way. And…well…from that night on...."

It was now or never.

"I knew that I loved you." He says proudly. Smile wide and joyous.

"Loved you as more than a friend. Loved you in a way that I never thought myself capable of."

"But, even though I knew the love I felt was real, that it wasn't something easy washed away with time, I could not muster the courage to tell you." He sighs sadly.

"I mean, you are Tony Stark after all.” Loki tries feeding into Tony's ego, chuckling. “You would have thought me just another one of your crazed fangirls.”

“I kept telling myself that I could wait for the right time. That I could maybe change enough to be worthy of your attention. Be the member you all hoped I would eventually come to be."

"I behaved!" He trembled at the memory.

"But, time is a silly thing. It comes and goes so quickly when you wish it to slow. And just like that, on the hand of a second, you were telling everyone that you, Banner and Rogers were in a relationship.” Loki’s voice faltered a bit then. 

He remembers the day almost too vividly because it might have been the most heart broken he has ever felt, outside of his children being taken from him.

“Up until then, I can honestly say that I had never felt such jealousy. Such anger. Not even with Thor. But, I did and there wasn’t a single thing I could do."

"Do you know how difficult that is for a God to accept?" He waits.

Nothing.

"You were so happy with them. For once in my horrible existence, I couldn't bring myself to interfere.”

“Looking back now though, I wish I had. Those bloody good for nothings sacks of Midgardian shit. They never deserved anyone as brilliant as you."

"Just as you weren’t intended for such... incompetent fools,” Loki growled as he balled his hands into fists to keep from doing any damage to the floor around him.

“No, you, Anthony Stark, were perfectly devised to stand by the side of a God."

"To be a God." He emphasizes.

"I know this might not be what you would like to hear right now. Maybe you hate me for it." 

The 'I hope you don't', goes without saying.

"Still, the fact remains that I love you, Tony." He bites his lips, almost painfully.

"I love everything about you. Even how not cute you are when you hide from me." He teases.

"I just wish that you show yourself. Let, if only me, know that you are okay…I need to know, for my own peace of mind that you are okay.”

"Please." He pleads, his head now resting on the knees that he has pulled to his chest. Arms braced around them. 

He felt raw.

Open.

Exposed.

After spilling his heart and still not getting a reply from Tony, Loki decided to call it a night. He didn't think there was anything else he could try that would hold a candle to what he had just attempted.

He would try again the following night.

He wouldn't give up.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

“Sir, are you sure you still want to move forward with your plan?” Jarvis asked in a concerned/hopeful tone.

Tony, who had his head resting against the doors to his office, wasn't sure of anything anymore.


	2. Project Forget-Me-Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woke up needing to write this, so I did.
> 
> Also, thank you to all who have commented. You guys rock ^.^

Hours pass. Slow or quick, he doesn't know. They just pass, with him frozen against the door. His mind trying to process.... to compute what Loki had just bombed him with. 

Love?

How many times would the feeling be proposed to him before he learned, accepted, that it would always be a lie?

Pepper.

Bruce... Steve.

They loved him. At least, ten times a day it would be whispered around him, against him..... into him. They flooded his soul with that one word. Crystallizing him deep within the feeling, for once allowing the sense of safety to weaken his inner most defenses. Softening him. Until they own him. Each bending and molding him in their own ways, to suit their needs.

He conforms to their will. Well... as best as he can. Somethings are hard to break free from. But, he's always given his all. An all, he has come to learn doesn't quite match up to peoples expectations. Again, like everything else, it's his fault. He really does talk a big game. When at the end of the day he is simply a man. A man in a fancy suit. 

Pathetic. 

His father could mold man, flesh-and-bone, into one of the greatest weapons the world has ever seen. While all he could do was build a ten-year-old kid's dream action-fighting-robot. 

He was nothing. He didn't match up. Add up. That's why they shut him out. Why they pack and leave, taking their love with them. Leaving him with nothing but stupid memories. Memories of a life with plans, they all made, vowed to....... none of which he would ever see.

Except, he would see. He would feel, as an outsider. Because they would always be around. And it would always be them against him. 

Them.

V.S

Him.

He had learned to be alone. In a room full of people. He in the midst of their embrace... remained alone. It was his curse.

He couldn't.

Tony couldn't bear it anymore. The pain more than he was willing to suffer in this or any life time. He had to fix it. Like he would on any of his gadgets, were it being plagued by some unfortunate virus. Locate and delete the virus. 

Delete the memories.

If anyone could do it. He could. And did. Engineering being his specialty. Maybe now his father would feel some sense of pride. Knowing he had, in just under three weeks, designed and constructed a functioning piece of machinery that could, and would, erase memories in relation to any one specific feeling. 

Like, love.

He could go into a long rant detailing the fine mechanics and science behind the workings of the machine. There was more to it than met the eye...... but he couldn't be pulled from thoughts of Loki. 

God of lies. 

The offering, love. He just couldn't understand. His mind frozen at the thought.

Loki lies. All of the time. He lies to Tony a lot, especially when he's been up the God's ass bitching about absolutely nothing just for the hell of it. He lies to trick. To maneuver Tony where he needs him to be for a prank to play out accordingly. 

And even though he knows Loki lies. He always falls for it. 

Like he feels himself doing now. Jarvis's question reeling in his mind. Because, no. He was no longer sure this was his most brilliant idea ever. Loki could be lying. But, he might not.

He remembers the night Loki spoke of. He's thought of it often enough. Even after he had entered into a relationship with Bruce and Steve. 

There had been Loki. 

In his true form. A stunning creation unlike any other, with his face tilted away ever just so. Ashamed. The universe unforgiving, unyielding. Even in the face of such beauty. 

Tony doesn't have to hear the word. He doesn't have to speak it, to know that he feels it. For this being. This God.

He was drawn to him. His hand reaching out. Until he was burned. Forst bite. It jolts him back to reality. To the reality that he, a man bearly worthy of his own life, could be worth something to a God. 

For the first time, he doesn't allow himself to fall into that feeling. Pushing away harder than he ever has from anything, he separates himself from it. 

The look of self-loathing plaguing Loki's shifting features, forces him to speak, however. He can pass the feeling onto Loki. As little as it would mean to someone of Loki's stature, he tells him the truth.

He did like the view. Very much, indeed.

Tony groans and growls as he presses his head harder against the door. 

Should he try? 

Loki had to be worth any future pain he might bear. He was. And it's not like he had any immediate plans to destroy the machine. He would hide it. Keep it as a failsafe. 

It was perfect. A small smile creeping its way onto his lips. Because this time, there would be a way out should he need one. He wouldn't have to wait to end the pain.

"Jarvis," He calls out, voice hoarse from disuse, as he finally pushes himself up and away from the door. His joints cracking in protest.

"Yes, sir?" Jarvis responds almost cautiously. 

"Compile and put a full-access lock down on everything pertaining to Project Forget-Me-Not. Keep it off every server except for my private one. Then wipe everything from the last three weeks from all servers. Not a crumb Jarvis." He commands.

"Of course, sir," Jarvis replies with enthusiasm. "Should I drop the field?"

Tony pauses before nodding his head in confirmation, as he gets to work hiding the machine, then gets to work cleaning up the lab. 

It doesn't take him long. With the assistance of Jarvis and the suits of course. He was running on little to no sleep, so it was fair. It really was. 

Plus, he needed to get at least a shower and a few hours of sleep if he was going to start again. If he was going to offer himself to Loki.

"Please....." Tony finds himself praying as he lay in bed late into the early hours of the morning. 

"Please... don't break me."


	3. Welcome Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just updated this, but it's still haunting my muse so now there is more. I'm pretty sure all of your kind comments and kudos are motivating it. hehe  
> I hope you enjoy.

Hidden under a large man-made-mountain of blankets, fur throws, and a few dozen quilts, lay Loki, red glowing eyes dimming as he inhales from the small pile of Anthony's stolen t-shirts.

Today he doesn't think he can bring himself to pretend. 

To lie. 

He huffs at the thought. He, the God of Lies, unable to lie. 

He's broken. 

Pathetic. 

This must be what the All Father wanted him to see. To feel. But, why? Didn't he know? That he always felt like this. Perhaps, not at this current level, but it didn't matter. Because he knew the feeling well.

The problem was that this time, he didn't know what to do. What he could do. As a now.... mostly....mortal being, he was out an extensive bag of tricks. His only goal, to assure that Anthony is in at the least living health. 

His last option being to actually..... wait.

Wait!

He hated waiting. Cursed it because it was always matched with not knowing. And he detested that even more. Not knowing. Because he always needed to know. Always needed to be leaps ahead of the rest.

And here he was, in waiting, unknowing, like all the other fools surrounding him. 

It almost made him hate Anthony, for a moment. But another inhale of the small pile in his hands and it didn't matter. 

Nothing mattered.

If Tony could hide from the world. Why couldn't he? Why shouldn't he just stay in his cave and sleep? He hasn't slept for a surprisingly long time, considering he actually needed sleep now. And he, not the team, got called out on some task he wasn't allowed to ask questions about. So he didn't. He just did what was asked and went about his merry way. Still, it had taken time and energy, and he was drained. 

He could stay in his cave. For a day. 'Just the day.' Loki yawns at the thought, eyes dimming as they begin to close. Then he would go back. Because he loved his Anthony he.....

BANG BANG BANG

"BROTHER! ROUSE, BROTHER! YOU MOST COME QUICKLY." Thor's booming voice and thunderous "knocking" sends Loki's eyes shooting open, the red quickly shifting to a softer green as he transforms back to his human form. 

The slight moments fear holds no candle to the rage he felt as he rose from his bed and swung the door wide open to glare at his brute of a brother. 

"What could possibly be so important?!" He shouts at Thor, eyes burning holes into the bigger man's head. 

"That you would even 'think' it acceptable to wake me?!" He stresses while jabbing a threatening finger against Thor's broad chest. 

Loki grins internally as the excitement drains from his brother's face. Confused once more. He wants to laughs. But it didn't last long enough. Thor was smiling again. Almost bouncing with the energy. 

He clearly wanted to say something. Something that someone had clearly told him not say. Like when they were kids. 

Loki was interested. 

He grins. 

"Tell me," He pauses, knowing that he has to say it for it to work, but hating it all the same. "brother."

Thor's eyes twinkle. In that sick cartoony way, Anthony had pointed out in those movies he made him watch. It sickened him to know that Thor craved that sort of attention, acceptance, from him. Pathetic. But then again, so was he for liking it. To hold that power. 

"I....." Thor has paused. He looks like he is fighting himself. Not something he was used to seeing in the large simpleton. It must be something really juicy. But he wouldn't move until he had all the cards in his hands. 

Loki continues to stare into Thor's eyes, slowly chipping away at all the pleading in them. He pouts sadly, bottom lip protruding slightly.

"It's Anthony." He rushes out. 

Loki laughs. Because he's been thinking about Anthony perhaps a little too much. He's hearing his name everywhere.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." He smiles politely at his brother. 

"Anthony is here," Thor repeats with a smile. "In the dining hall."

Loki doesn't find it nearly as funny now. He's staring at Thor, trying to find the fault in what he is saying, in what he himself is hearing. 

"I-... you kept your secret," Loki says softly. Thor nods rapidly in understanding, still smiling. "I'll... I'll be on way shortly."

Then Loki is turning back into his cave. The door closing behind him. He smiles. 

Guess he wouldn't have to wait after all. 

Now, time was his again. Almost. He still really needed to see Anthony with his own eyes. So he readies himself quickly. He gives himself twenty minutes, with a few to spare in panic. 

He wasn't just facing Anthony after all. He was facing an Anthony who would be holding his heart in his hands. 

Standing in front of his full-length mirror, he looks at himself. He's wearing his usual. A well fitted and sharply pressed pair of black slacks, matched with an even sharper forest green button up, that he leaves slightly unbuttoned. Clean, black shiny loafers, a set of gold cuff links, and a gold Rolex compliment his minimalistic style. 

As for his hair. Well that he leaves alone. The mix of waves and curls wild in nature, bearly skim the tops of his shoulders. 

With a deep breath, he turns and makes his way to the dining hall.

...................................

He stands just outside of the small hall. Frozen in place by the sound of Anthony's laughter. It's loud and real. Normal. He sounds like himself and it scares him. Because Anthony could act, but not well enough to fool him.

He didn't allow himself to believe that his confession might have played a hand. That he could be the source. 

Loki shakes his head.

He can hear the team laughing now. They are all there, welcoming Anthony back. As if any of them had noticed he was gone. 

He growls at their falsehoods.

He hated them all. 

Anthony's back is facing him when he enters. Hair wild and stressed to a point at different angles. 

From here he can tell that he is comfortably dressed. Dark worn jeans, a band T-shirt in black the logo not yet in his line of sight, classic black high-top converse. 

The room falls silent at the dark glare he graces them all with as he draws closer, stopping an arm's length from Anthony. 

It doesn't take long for the man's attention to fall on him.

"You really know how to kill a room," Tony says, a wide smile on his lips when he turns around to face Loki. "Rock of Ages."

He's slightly thinner around the cheeks. Skin a shade paler than he is used to seeing on the man. Tired around the eyes, but bright and inviting. Beard perfectly shaped and trimmed.

Anthony is ok.

He wants to smile. To grab the man into his arms and never let go, but he pauses....

Loki furrows and slightly arches his brows in question. Concern? He hasn't called him that in quite some years. Actually, now that he thought about it.......

He grins and moves closer.

"Stark." He replies with a nod.

Their eyes meet. He can see something there. But he isn't sure of what that something is. 

"You're late, you realize?" Tony challenges, his eyes leading Loki's to the empty plate at the center of the over sized table. A sign he would be fending for himself today. His lip twitched in fake annoyance. 

He hears Anthony laugh and looks back. The man before him biting his bottom lip. Teasing. He looks into Anthony's warm colored eyes. Searching.

"I'll make you a deal." Tony offers. "Because I like you." He makes a point of adding. His eyes locked with Loki's. 

"What have you to offer?" Loki smirks.

"This almost full plate of home cooked 'wonder'." Tony laughs for lack of a better way to describe the bland food; playfully stabbing at the half eaten breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, and melon.

In other words, nothing. His smirk widens.

"Hey, I made that!" Shot Steve from across the table a frown plastered on his ridiculously offended face.

Loki wanted to punch him. Fuck that, he was going to punch him, for speaking out of turn. For interrupting his Anthony.

A hand stops him.

"And it's as bland and sloppy as your head game, but I wasn't complaining then either." He heard Tony taunt. The room bursting with half choked laughter. 

Bruce looked like he wanted to say something in defense of his lover, but one look from Loki saves him from looking like a fool.

"What are you asking for in return?" Loki finally asks his eyes back on Anthony. 

"A date," Tony states, clear for all to hear. "Just you and me, a night on the town."

"What do you say?" Tony finishes with a wiggle of his brows.

He can feel the bated breaths of everyone in the room. Their eyes drilling into his skin. Waiting. Unknowing of what was to come. 

But he knew. And Anthony did too. The smile on his face assured him of it. 

"I'll take a hard pass on the shitty breakfast," Loki responds, dragging his response out just a bit longer. 

He winks at Anthony.

"But," He continues at last. "I would like very much to go on a date with you."

They smile at one another knowingly. 

The team sitting in shock.

"My food isn't bland." Steve huffs, before storming off back into the kitchen.

Loki and Anthony erupt into a fit of laughter.

"Welcome back, it got pretty 'bland' around here without you." He says in between laughing. 

It really was great to have his best and only friend back. Soon to be, lover, if he had it his way.

And he always had his way.

'Eventually.' He thinks almost sadly.


	4. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Randomness. Hope you enjoy ^.^

'There is something to be said about the wonder a few hours of quailty sleep, a couple slices of pizza, and a quick training session can do for the body.' Thought Tony as he looked over himself. 

Not long ago he looked like a zombie. Bags under his eyes, skin pale and sickly.

Now, however, he really did look his usual self. 

The man in question is standing deep within his walk-in closet, a room all its own if he was being honest. In-front of three mirrors, two of which were angled, he examined himself once more. Arms at his sides, face almost expressionless. 

He wore a new suit. A new style? He hadn't remembered picking it out. His stylist or perhaps Pepper had purchased it for him, and now Jarvis was suggesting it would be the best option for the night. 

Another glance over the light greyish suit made him seriously question the world's view on fashion. No man in his right mind would wear a suit this.... 

Form-fitting?

How was it even possible? For the suit to outline his every .... well his everything. 

For such an intelligent being, he could not construct a group of words that could describe what he was wearing. 

But, he was smart enough to know that he was using the suit as an excuse to avoid the real reason he hadn't yet left, even though Jarvis had reminded him that he was already well over an hour late picking Loki up from the base. 

His heart was at war with his mind. 

His heart fighting to leave. To rush to Loki and plead for forgiveness for being late, before taking him on what he knew would be a thrilling night. 

However, his mind, the part that holds the reigns of his body, was screaming at him to not move a muscle. To let time pass and forget ever thinking he had a chance. To remind him that he should have stuck to the plan. 

'Don't fall for it.' A little voice in the back of his mind shouts. 'Not again.'

A hand dives into his once slicked back hair, pulling at it as his eyes closed, hiding the agony that shown within them. 

His heart aches.

He can not do this. 

Not again.

A wave of rage consumes him, a fist flying out, connecting to the glass, which crushed under the pressure. The web of cracks spreading wide as chucks fell and shattered on the marble floor.

Hadn't it been enough? Hadn't he learned?

'I thought you were smarter than that.' Bruce's voice repeats again.

And now Tony wonders why he ever bothered to listen to the man. He had felt somewhat confident after he and Loki had left the dining hall. They had made plans for him to pick Loki up later that evening for dinner and he had been happy. 

Until Bruce that is. 

The man had cornered Tony on his way off the base after his training session with Thor. Tony had been sure he was going to bitch him out over his comment regarding Steve, but instead, the man had proceeded to warn Tony of Loki. And when that appeared to fail, he attacked anything he could, including Tony's state of mind. Because surely he had to be an idiot, a fool, to be unable to see that Loki was playing him. 

Tagging on questions like; 'Why would Loki, a god, want you now? Look at yourself, Tony. Really look at yourself, and tell me you believe someone like him could want you..... and if he for some odd reason or another did. How long do you think it would last?'

'Jesus fuck!' Tony shouts in his mind.

Bruce wasn't wrong. Not completely, because he had momentarily asked himself the same questions, in a way, and well he had Forget-Me-Not. Except, what good would erasing your memories do if you at the end still know you weren't worth anything. To anyone. What would you have to live for after that?

Tony drops his hands, Arms once more at his side. Face expressionless, though a few tears have escaped. And.....

'Loki?'

Their eyes meet in the reflection of the broken glass.

Broken.

"Loki." He gasps.

Gasps? Yes, he hasn't taken a breath. He can't breathe, can't move. He's frozen in place. Eyes glued on the god. 

"I don't take kindly to being stood up, Stark," Loki says in a flat tone. His eyes burning into his soul even through the reflection. 

Tony's fists clench at his failure. The pain of one fist, the one he now realizes might contain glass in it, making his eye twitch, but he doesn't look away from Loki. Too afraid to move.

A silent minute passes before he see's Loki's eyes soften a degree. Then he is moving towards him. Tony wants to move away, to keep a little distance between them, but he cant move. Though...

He's shaking. When did he start to shake?

'God, why can't I fucking move?!' He screams in his mind. He's panicking now because he can't stay here. He can't let Loki see him like this. Not like this. 

'Please, no!'

A gentle touch against his cheek draws an almost pathetic gasp from him. His eyes quickly searching until he can almost see. It's Loki.

He's in front of him, turning his face to look at him. Loki is so beautiful, so perfect, and he's saying something. His lips are moving. But Tony can't hear him. He tries to reach for him because suddenly nothing feels right. Nothing looks right.

But his hands fail him, then his legs, and he's falling.

'Why am I always falling?'

.....................................................................

His head is killing him. Splitting, actually, and he can't help but wonder the last time he felt this shitty without it being a hangover.

"Urgh.... what the fuck happened last night, Jarvis?" Tony asked as he fought to open his eyes. He would need them if he was going to locate the painkillers he always kept nearby for such a reason. 

"That would depend, Sir," Jarvis replies and Tony hates him a little. 

"Jar... " He growls while digging his head under a set of pillows. 

"What he means is, which version of events would you prefer to hear." Comes a voice from directly to his left and Tony almost falls out of bed from fright. 

Scratch that, he does. 

"Fuck, my ass!" he shouts from his location on the cold hard floor. His bum no doubt already bruising. 

"That had been the plan but someone decided it would be better to stand me up." The voice said again. 

This time Tony sighed and did his best to crawl under his bed. A bright light ahead is soon being blocked by Loki's stupid perfect face and perfectly disarrayed hair. He stops. 

"Are you truly attempting to hide from me, Anthony?" Loki asked with a raised brow. Though it was upside down. So it looked weird and less threatening than Tony was sure it actually was.

Tony can't help but burst out laughing. This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. 

Looking at Loki's grin, he could tell that he was glad Tony had seen it his way.

With a huff and a crack of his bones as he stands, Tony climbs back onto the bed and sits beside Loki, his head resting on the god's shoulder like he has often done.

"Okay, let's talk."


	5. The Talk

"You know..." Drawled Loki from his rather comfortable spot on Anthony's bed, a spot he would be getting quite familiar with in the near future if he had his way. 

Which he did. He always had a say in everything.

"If I wanted to sit in awkward silence for an extendedly long period of time, I would have asked The-Good-Ole-Captain!" he almost sang. "..for a blowjob."

Loki laughs at his own lame joke, as he turns his head away from a now perfectly filed nail, towards Anthony, who was rolling his eyes as he continued pacing up and down the length of his bedroom. Stopping every now and then to point a finger at him.

He was bored. Waiting for the man to speak. To start this "talk" they seemed to need.

Like Loki didn't already know what he was unwilling to say. He could see in his eyes. That dole ache behind the light. Shadowing it, trying to overtake it. 

The thing that bothered Loki the most, however. Was the fact that this "doubt" hadn't been in Anthony's eyes when they last looked at each other. 

Meaning that someone had put it there. 

"Who has been fluttering by your ear, Anthony?" Loki asks as he rises to stand before Anthony. Effectively stopping him from his vexatious pacing. His tone might have sounded slightly harsher than he would have liked, but he wanted an answer. 

Now. 

Anthony was glaring at him. His form tight and tense, forcing him an inch taller than his slightly slumped pacing pasture. Standing up to him. 

There is barely an inch or so between both men now. 

Loki looked down at the shorter man, his jaw slightly flexing, his only sign of irritation, as he waited for a response.

He should be proud. That his 'bo.... yfriend.....', he wonders at that, deciding to save it for a later time, was strong enough to not outright give up the information. Especially when he knew Loki contained just enough power to force the information from the man. 

Not that he would. His Anthony deserved better than that. But it didn't mean it would outright save the man from giving Loki what he wanted. 

Feigning a sigh of defeat, shoulders slumping in surrender, Loki diverted his eyes from Anthony, nodding his head in acceptance before speaking. 

"I see." His tone flat, crushed, as he took a step back. A small ache striking his chest as he did so. Because even though he was acting, to make it truly believable, to truly fool the other, you must first feel what you are portraying. 

And no one could feel it better than he. 

The God of lies. 

Only he could channel such agony in a way that made it feel real, could be real if Anthony ever actually rejected him. 

He wouldn't allow it. If this was it. If this was what waited to greet him should Anthony decide he wasn't worth the risk, he would not survive this feeling for very long. Still, he doesn't drop his act when Anthony looks at him, confused and completely off guard. 

"I must have misunderstood your intentions, Anthony, forgive me." He says almost hurried. Like the words burned his very tongue as they passed through. 

He should stop. Maybe not knowing something was a small price to pay in order to never feel this feeling again. But he's a little trapped in it all at the moment. His mind seamlessly merging the two realities into one.

Loki turns to leave. The look in Anthony's eyes enough to make him regret stooping so low. He had to leave before things got worse. Before he royally went and fucked things up. Like he does with everything in his life. 

"It was Bruce!" He hears Tony respond. 

He pauses just at the door, one hand on the handle. Heart beating faster than it ever has. Probably. 

Turning around to face the other, he looks on.... waiting for the rest. Already, he could feel his mind unwinding itself from the alternate emotions, a relief unlike any other consuming him.

Anthony for his part looks like he's about to hurl, but he puts on a brave face as he speaks. 

"He said some rather unflattering things and it..... well it fucked with my head." Tony offers with a ruffle of his hair. 

He really wants to ask Anthony to tell him everything that was said, word for word, but it mattered little by this point.

The damage had been done. 

Loki can almost feel the man's anxiety rising as he looked at anything in the room but Loki himself. He would make Bruce regret ever speaking to Anthony outside of his presence. A plan already forming in his mind. 

"Anthony," Loki tries as he moves back towards him, stopping a foot away. 

"I'm scared." Tony blurts out as his eyes finally lock with those of Loki. They were wide, exposed, raw, pleading and he hated that he hadn't seen it sooner. 

"I've never known anything to keep you from something you rightfully desired. It's something we share. Don't you think?" Loki asks, taking a step closer, the space between them growing smaller. 

A part of him wants to reach out to the smaller man, to hold him and comfort him, but he fears his touch will not yet be welcomed. 

"This is....it's different." 

Loki shakes his head lightly. His hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. 'What had Bruce said to him.' He thinks with a mental growl.

"Is it because I am a Frost Giant?" Loki snaps, what else could the stupid Hulk have on him. Well, besides being evil, but he wasn't much for that these days.

"What?!" Tony shouts in panic. "No, Loki," His hand comes close to grabbing Loki's hand, but it falls once more "No."

"Then what, Anthony? What about me scares you so much that it was enough to keep you away from me last night?" 

'Tell me, please, so that I may fix it.' Loki pleads mentally. 

"It's not you...."

"Don't, don't you dare use that ridiculous mortal line on me, Anthony." 

There might have actually been a growl behind that one, but at this point, he didn't care.

"Loki.... I might be the brightest being on this planet, but I am nothing compared to a God. You have said it yourself countless times. I just....." Tony trails off sadly. He's chewing on his bottom lip now. Eyes cast down.

Loki was aching, seeing how much his Anthony was hurting. Doubting himself when he shouldn't.

"Do you want me, Anthony?" Loki finally asks after a few minutes of silence had passed between the two, even though he already knows the answer. He just needs to hear him say it. 

"I do, bu...." Tony starts. 

Loki doesn't let him finish. Instead, he closes the space between them, Anthony fitting perfectly pressed against Loki, his head lower a bit while a hand pulled Anthony up close by the base of his neck to steal a kiss. 

Their first kiss.

And its anything but light. Anthony's shock leading way to his own desires as he kisses back with passion. Loki's free hand shifts, finding purchase on Anthony's waste before slicking its way to grip his ass. Lips fighting Anthony's as he attempts to show the man in his arms that, in his eyes, nothing mattered outside of him. 

Them.

"I've wasted years," He breathes in-between kisses. Kisses that have him shaking with a demand to do more. So much more than he was giving himself permission to do. 

But it doesn't stop him from switching effortlessly between nipping, kissing, sucking on the heated and now plump lips he has craved for longer than any God should crave without having a taste. 

"They have stolen time from us, Anthony, but no more." He growls into the kiss, deepening it further.

He feels Anthony weaken against him, into his hold, as he allows for Loki to carry the weight of his worries. If only for a moment. He's panting slightly, cheeks rosy pink with a blush.

"I was dumb for letting him get to me," Tony says, a hand reaching out to rest gently against Loki's chest. "But, my fears are just, Loki."

"I guess I'll just have to prove myself to you." He finally teases with a final peck on Anthony's lips, his arms encircling the smaller man in a tight embrace. 

"I love you, Anthony."

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like?  
> Have some in put?  
> Leave a comment, especially if you are interested in more.  
> Thank you ^.^


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